Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Rubber hits the road

Ask- and it shall be given
Question- and it will be answered

One of those lightbulb moments happened. Just as I was pondering the hows and whys and wherefores of Joelle's headspace, the universe started to unveil to me one of the ways I mirror her inner demons. It's not important what the situation was, but rather that I heard that inner response that has repeated over and over again throughout my life. Normally I would listen and go back to my own comfort zone of bad hehaviors. In the past I would do and grab things that would put myself at a great distance from them intelectually or emotionally, or eat to build a great layer of insulation against it.

Not this time !

Perhaps watching Joelle and wanting to smack her made me aware of just how toxic that behavior and attitude is. The buttons were pushed and the Demon that has been my companion for 48 years was awakened, and I considered listening to it.

Instead I told it to "shut the F**K up , leave and not let the door hit it in the A**". My emotional gut was being ripped out, my heart was breaking , but for the first time in my life I responded with the bike instead of a bite of something. For the first time I honestly belived that I am worth the energy and have absolutely every right to exist, count, and live as I desire because I am me and not an extension of something that makes my personhood invalid.I pedaled to peace. Then I walked to gain some clarity of thought. It did not make the situation go away, but it did allow me to fully embrace the idea that if physical hunger is not the problem, food is not the situation. While the situation that pushed the button lingers like a toxic cloud needing a good stiff breeze to despense it, I feel an empowerment and clarity that I have never before felt in my life. It's a darned good thing .

With that said, yesterday's stats
Breakfast
1/2 c cottage cheese
2 T flax
3/4 c Natures Own Flax Plus cereal
1 t olive oil
apple
water, coffee

Lunch
1/2 c homemade Hummus , 2 c celery and carrot sticks
apple
1 c nonfat yogert with 1T cocoa powder and 1 T splenda
water

Dinner
4 oz Ginger citrus roast pork
sweet potato
1/2 c corn
2 c tossed salad
Diet 7Up

snacks through the day
1/2 c Sugar free jello
yo plus digestive yogert
1fat free cheese stick
1/2 c sugar free pudding
TLC Bar

Exercise
Wii fit 16 min (running)
Walk 25 min
Stationary bike 25 min

Filling foods 11
water 14 (112 oz)

3 comments:

Krissy said...

what a wonderful realization for you. These are the thoughts that will get you to the healthier version of you that you are working for.

Chews to Lose said...

I love when those moments of self realization happen. It's hard to overcome the old way of thinking - or not thinking actually. I've had a few of those too. I hope they continue for both of us.

This is my first visit to your blog - it's a great one. :-)

Skye's the Limit said...

With the exception of it being my first visit, Chews to Lose said exactly what I was thinking! :o)