Thursday, July 9, 2009

New Focus

Yesterday something reminded me of the person I was, long ago and far away. Sometimes such memories are funny, and other times they can be sad. This was a memory of me, at 17, able to walk on rugged terrain, carrying things like aluminum canoes, 75 lb back packs and walking for miles everyday without a care in the world. Here she is.
Today I am 51, plagued by arthritis because of injuries sustained in those days, struggling to lose weight and often needing to walk with the aid of something to hang onto. Perhaps the absolute frustration of being stuck in the same 10 pound range for a year has gotten to me. Perhaps it's the lack of a real vacation for almost 20 years. Perhaps it is something else. Whatever it is, I remembered her and thought about me now, and decided enough is enough ! I no longer care what the scale says. I no longer want to think about a weight goal. I simply want to be that girl again. I want to be strong, stable and competent. I want to be able to walk on any terrain. I want to be able to carry heavy weights. I want to go rock climbing and rafting and more.

I refuse to be limited by arthritis
I refuse to buy into the myth that aging means weakening
I no longer care about things like BMI's

Instead of exercise to lose weight, I am going to work to gain back my old muscle mass. I used to be able to press 500 lbs with my legs.Instead of toning my body I am going to make it strong. Rather than thinking about a number on the scale appearing some day, I am setting a goal to spend my 52nd Birthday hiking on the bluffs of Devil's Lake. And then if I can find the equipment, to go white water rafting on my 55th birthday. Hormones can have the stupid scale number. I claim my muscles and bones !

For some reason, those goals are infinately more appealing than a number of 130

3 comments:

JC said...

Oh I miss my 17 year old self so much. I understand where you are coming from. You started this journey for your family (son) more than for yourself so you can't give up on the nutrition part. Sometimes we need a break from the stress of it. Work on building up your muscles cause let me tell you as you age we need for our muscles to be strong.

I got to tell you I bought a pedometer but I'm not smart enough to program it. LOL I want to get one of those they use on biggest loser, that goes around your upper arm. I need one that I can put on my shoe laces. The clipping on my waist band doesn't work for me. HA!!

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

Oooh- the BodyBugg ! I hear they are good, but very expensive !

I don't plan on going back to the old ways of eating, but instead of trying to do sustained gerbil like activities, I am going to do more real life kids of things to use real muscles and such. Things like lifting heavy furnature, scrubbing things on my hands and knees, walking more for a purpose than simply walking for the sake of walking. I may not totally regain my 17-18 yr old body, but I think I can come close. Aging is a physical process, but our mental attitude about it sure makes an impact ! I will still weigh in every week , as I am still helping my son to lose, but that number simply is not my goal anymore.

Rebecca said...

You go girl! I understand so much what you are saying. I too am 51, and look back at that girl of 17 and all she could do.