Sunday, May 3, 2009

The road of good intentions may be closed for repairs

No one , at least in my experience,wakes up on day and says"I waant to be a smoker" or " I want to be morbidly obese" or even "I want to be an alcoholic". It just happens , one choice at a time, and each step along the way happens with the best of intentions. As it has been said, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. "I am so crazy busy and Burger King is on the way....". "I have to get in the wash and sew those pants and make bread or there is going to be nothing to eat so I will skip exercise today." "It's a party and everyone else is doing it and i don't want to offend everyone so..". All good intentions that lead to bad places when repeated over and over again.

Yesterday I got a glimpse into one of my hidden roads, and I think it is because I have been doing a lot of EFT work with the underlying factors with my weight. This particular road is paved with the intentions of responsibility and fueled by caffiene .I have been a week without it except for in the form of green tea, and I am noticing changes in my body besides my weight. It feels like iron bands are falling off, and I am remebering old things that used to keep me sane, healthy and strong. Like long periods of sleep and getting a nap. By nature, I am a night owl who does not develop rational thought, eyesight or movement till 10 am. Now a confession- when I was a teen ager several life events happened that forced me to take on 3 rather heavy roles at once and in order to cope with the need I started abusing Speed. Then to bring myself down I chose alcohol and other drugs. It continued for about 4 years, and it is a miracle I did not kill myself with those great intentions. Life changed and I was able to give them up on my own, but coffee sort of helped. Then enter my husband, who is by nature an early riser who does all major life functions in an early arena and belives that the universe rolls it's sidewalks up bu 6 pm and nothing productive can take place then. Enter in coffee to avoid needing a marriage counselor. Then I gave birth to a human who makes his father look like a night owl, who hits the ground every day at 75 mph, chipper, hungry and in fully operational mode. More coffee is added to prevent fire,posioning, state wide blow outs, and to keep me from setting the house on fire wihie trying to cook in a completely befuddled state. Oh, and then add homeschooling when he was 4, that had to happen early, and it just kept going. Coffee became my bestus friend !

Well now it is a week into the process and yesterday was a day of a lot of to do stuff. A bed had to be bought, a carpet had to be shampoo'ed, weigh in, groceries, cutting veggies, making stock and all that. The coffee affect is wearing off and all I want to do is sleep for long periods. All they want is mom like she has always been. Houston, we have a problem.

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