Yesterday I had to do a lot of "mothering" to myself. Remind myself to sit up straight, eat right and get up off my butt and move because it would make me feel better. I had a headache and kind of all over body sort of headache which I am assuming is due to my body being cleared of toxins. If given my own choice over the events of the day it would have been spent lying around in a big feather bed with a sleep mask and several servants addressing all the must do details of the day. This was not a possible option, and it would not help my body go through the process with greater efficiency. Moving me, however, would.
So I began the morning with a good breakfast. Choice was the mom burrito ( egg beaters, mushroom, zucchini, green onions and red peppers on a LaTortilla with Laughing Cow lite and baby spinach topped with salsa), with an ounce of Swiss cheese on the side to insure satiation level. Green tea and water on the side. Son was also feeling the yuck, so I had to give us both a big motivational talk to get us moving. Thank God for MP3 players and pants that feel cute. New weird motivation for me- if for some reason I think the pants I am wearing feel cute, I will be more likely to walk. It's not an idea that they look cute to anyone, but they feel cute to my body. it's silly, but if it works it works.
This last week of school is being spent sort of as an intro to some of the things we will cover next year, and for science this will include physics. ( I am smiling bravely, squeezing my fists and telling myself we can do this). After some introduction and teaching my son that it is better to place his hand on his chin and say "I see" instead of looking like a goldfish with an open mouth when confused we took a snack break. Fruit salad in plain yogurt with stevia. It was so filling I was beginning to wonder if we really needed morning snacks again.
Lunch was another variation on the lunch able. Roast turkey and Swiss on rice cakes with celery and carrot sticks. Homemade minestrone soup and water completed the meal. After lunch we finished school and i was able to crack into one of the three books I got on Sunday ( Louder than Words by Jenny McCarthy). I had been hesitant to read any of her books in the past, but as I embrace the biomedical intervention of Autism I keep hearing other parents cite her books as helpful and informative, so I decided to see for myself. While her life before becoming a mother was nothing like my own, I found that a lot of her experiences echoed mine, and gave me the ability to put my own journey into words. In one sense this is a very good thing, but in another it is very painful as I am finding that for each experience I am able to put into words it brings up some serious questions that I have never asked even myself. In asking them I become very angry and repeatedly have to remind myself that I am a human dealing with many other humans and none of us is perfect. While we can help and support each other, each of us must deal with their own journey and their own load. Even though I keep this in mind, I cannot help but feel real anger at several events in the journey.
For afternoon snack we turned the fruit and yogurt mix to smoothies with 5 All Bran crackers for the filling fiber feel. Afterwords we both felt like absolute slugs and wanted to just find a cave to crawl into. When daddy got home we had originally planned on going to Ikea to buy some new bowls, but I suggested we just visit Target for the same. We really needed the bowls or I would have begged that we just stay home and be slugs.
Dinner was marinated chicken breast ( fresh lemon and orange juice with basil and garlic), whole grain assorted rice mix and spring themed steamed veggies. Lemon water to wash it down. Afterwords son decided to go watch TV in his room and hubby and i watched a marathon of How they do that - an engineering sort of show on The Science Channel. All evening long I was just feeling tired and emotionally exhausted. Somehow I started talking about some of the things I was feeling angry about with this whole autism experience and the intensity of them made me wonder just how I have buried this for so long. I think I need to journal about this, as journaling has proved to be a most helpful tool in the past to overcome issues. When I dealt with emotional eating in the past it was journaling that proved to be the best tool in my recovery. I trust it will do as well with this.
For a snack i had a sugar free pudding, a fiber one bar and an apple, and then i asked myself why am I ending my day with such crappy food choices ? While they are low in points, they are filled with so much not real food that they could have a negative impact. I plan on changing it up tonight.