Friday, May 22, 2009

And a white flag of surrender is raised

Hello. My name is Diane and I am a coffeeholic.

Yesterday was the day that broke me. For a month now I have been wandering around in a fuzzy headed state, being technically awake but not fully connecting on all cylinders so to speak. I have struggled to make breakfast without setting the house on fire, removing ALL articles of clothing before showering and so forth. I even managed to find myself attempting to slice lemons with a teaspoon, and needing to sit back to figure out just why it was not working. It has been a real comedy ! Yesterday morning I was prodded out of bed by my son and I felt really brain fogged. I struggled through the morning , only to find myself spacing out during school and falling asleep while we were playing some games on the Wii afterwords. The final straw came when I had to ask my son what our address and phone number was while filling out some forms. To be honest, that scared me. I really need to be functioning on all cylinders mentally. I am my son's teacher, therapist, trainer, dietitian , guardian and good buddy along with being his mom, wife and best friend to my husband and my very own person. While some will say caffiene slows down weight loss, for me it makes absolutely no difference with the movement of the scale. It does send my adrenal glands into overdrive and they become overtaxed and shut down. Then the rest of my endocrine system takes a nose dive and everything gets out of balance.

However, if I cannot think clearly enough to function, I am very likely to accidentaly do something so totally stupid that it injures a lot more than one system. If I cannot shake the cobwebs enough to remeber where I live and how to reach me , how can I deal with more complicated concepts like motivating me to exercise , helping my son maintain his balance AND run the occasional vaccuum through the house without sucking up clothes, blankets and bills ? (do not laugh...I have actually done that). How can I preform higher functions like read a food label to see how many calories, grams of fiber and fat AND look for things like yeast, artificial flavorings and high fructose corn syrup if I am not functional enough to remove my socks before getting into the shower ?

I wave a white flag of surrender on this one and approach the front of the room to admit the truth. Hello, my name is Diane and I am addicted to coffee. But you know what ? It is the kind of addiction that offers a lot more benefits in allowing than it does in dropping, so I think I will keep it.

1 comment:

skinnyhollie said...

Keep it then honey! If it's not making a difference, don't stress yourself out and be miserable. This is a journey, and you shouldn't have to be miserable along the way. If giving up caffeine and sugar made me so miserable after a month, I would have allowed them back into my diet. But since I don't miss them, they can stay out! You have to do what's best for you.

And BTW - I've always wondered what your name was! Diane, nice to meet you!