Tuesday, September 28, 2010

But why can't I eat like a boy ???

I felt something that I have not felt in a long time-depravation !

I know it was not based in reality at all, but rather an emotional response. I made breakfast for Nick and I - an egg beater veggie omlette with laughing cow light cheese , turkey bacon and a half of a grapefruit, which was a very bountiful breakfast. 6 points or all of that , and then I added a point for the creamer in my coffee. Nick required more , so I added a carton of low fat yogurt, a bagel thin and a glass of kiefer to bring him up to his needed 13 points per mean, and suddenly my breakfast looked tiny ! It's funny what perspective will do to you . I told myself it was just a mind game and moved n to the rest of the tasks for the morning. School, cleaning, correspondence, and it rolled around to 10 am, which is the planned snack time for him. 13 points per meal plus 10 snack points is a lot of food, and snack times are a good way to keep the metabolism consistent. I was not hungry, and chose to save my snack points for afternoon or evening, but watching him eat his cheese stick and fruit made me think a snack would be a good thing. I resisted, because it was head hunger and not body hunger. Back to the tasks of the day and all was well till we hit lunch time, and once again his caloric needs required more food. What looked like a totally adequate meal before viewing his was suddenly skimpy looking.

I remembered some of the skills I learned a long time ago to cope with these feelings, and I was kind of amused to see them entering my headspace again. Kind of like getting a visit from the closet monster or the thing that hid under your bed as a child. Easily vanquished now, but invokes a small feeling of nostalgia for the old you. When I lost my 110 pounds I learned the power of distraction over the beast known as head hunger. I busied myself with a study project that I would be loathe to get any food stains on . It prevented me from eating , and in a short time the feelings were gone as I happily buried myself in the project. Later in the evening , after dinner, we all had snack points to use , but the guys had so many that they needed a mini meal. I was feeling a little frazzled about calculating points, shifting menus and just the "unfairness " of the nutritional needs of men vs women, and I decided to do something that was "girly" and would keep me from eating- painted my nails ! I have a real thing about smudged nail polish, and as it totally dried I was able to sit, think and remind myself of all the reasons why we were doing this. It worked !

I see a lot of nail  polish and study projects in the days ahead .

1 comment:

spunkysuzi said...

I definitely paint my nails to distract me from other things :) I'm sure you'll get used to it soon!