Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What are my goals ?

Woke up to a cold , wet morning. We are supposed to get freezing rain today, so the outdoor walking is canceled. I had intended to do it anyway and use taking out the trash as my motivator, but The Hubby decided that he did not want us out in freezing rain, so he took it out himself. Nice guy- so it will be work on the stationary bike, the weights and some Eyetoy and Wii to get in our workouts today.

I am still blown away by the reality of my condition and my inability to sweat ! it is not going to prevent me from exercising or trying to lose weight, because I know that no matter what I am dealing with it would only be worse if I did not make these moves. my arthritis would be worse, my PMS would be worse, the affects of various hormones would be worse. For that reason, I have to shift my thinking from things like fittting in a smaller size and so forth to being the absolute best shape that my 50 yr old body can possibly be. And that body will just keep going and doing things and transform eventually into a very fit 60 yr old, 70 yr old and so on and so on.

I have never attempted to lose weight to "look good". For numerous reasons I have never bought into that mindset . When I was younger , Doctors would tell me I was going to have a heart attack or so forth and I must lose weight, but it never worked. My mother would use the line "you would be such a pretty girl if you just lost weight" repeatedly, but I did not care. I was more interested in getting involved with the kickball game in the alley , climbing on garage roofs or hanging upside down on the monkey bars. Kids would taunt me about my weight, but i did not care. I would either ignore them or pound on them because it was fun. I was not your typical overweight child . I was active, and in retrospect my behaviors seemed to be ruled by my endocrine imbalance way back then. As a teen I was more into really reckless behaviors and the kind of lifestyle that most parents would dread to have their child participate in then concentrating on things like going to the prom or "dating". Dating was boring- reckless behaviors were my way of striking back at past events that made me feel guilty and angry.

It was not till i was married and wanting to start a family that I found the motivation to lose weight. After 8 years of infertility I was diagnosed with PCOS and the ecomended cure was to lose 10 percent of my body weight. I Went on the old Weight Watchers program, before the points system, and I lost 110. The motivation was not for looks, but for health.

I think I may be struggling at the moment because my body is trying to remind me that the real reason to do this is because of health- anything else is kind of temporary and frivolus.

No comments: