Friday, November 14, 2008

The difference between men and women

An observation between men and women with weight loss, at least in this house.

I have adrenal stress and other endocrine issues, which means for me take "The Expert, Definite, Tried and True Guide to Losing Weight, Getting Fit, Getting Pregnant and Other Wonders" and use it to balance out the legs on the coffee table, because that is all the good that it will do. I have decided to bypass frustration about this and find the humor.

Son, normal, healthy overweight male, gets on the stationary bike, pedals 5 minutes and is sweating. Husband gets on the bike, pedals 7 minutes and looks like he just stepped out of the shower. Drippy men !

I get on the bike, pedal 30 minutes and never sweat. I try to think myself into a state of sweating, and it does not work. I sprinkle a little water on my palm and throw it in my face, sort of in an attempt to prime the well or something, and nothing happens. I wipe off the water in disgust and notice that I am not even warm. So I start to think, would it be possible to overcome this problem if I sat on a heating pad while pedaling ? What about a space heater, inches away from the bike. Or what about one of those old fashioned rubber suits they used to suggest for weight loss ? I wore one when I was a young teen and it never made me sweat. Even that temporary fad in the 70's of wrapping your body in saran wrap to make you sweat out the weight did not work. I think I have to approach this in a different way. I am considering the following

1. Shaving my head- could be good for about a pound weight loss

2.Developing screw on limbs that can be removed at weigh in

3. Helium implants- I always felt I had too flat of a butt , and helium implants would allow me to look curvier AND be lighter

4.Hover craft type devices on the bottoms of my feet. Sort of a Dr Sholes insole meets air hockey table. It works to keep me about a 16th of an inch above contact with the ground, therefore making the scale show dramatic results at weigh in. And think of the money I would save on shoes and socks- they would never wear out !

5 Pre weigh in checks for all belly button lint, ear wax, sinus build up- get rid of this and the scale will budge.

Okay, seriously I am being patient, staying on program , and knowing in my heart of hearts that no matter what the scale says, my whole body is infinitely better for the efforts that I am making and therefore i should just keep going. But watching my husband look like a stunt double for that scene in Flashdance with the bucket of water after so much less effort can make one crazy.

2 comments:

Rosie said...

Hang in there... your last one with the lint check... I do that and I swear it helps! I take out my stud earrings too... darn it for 11 weeks I forgot to remove my tongue post... on well there is always a next weigh-in...

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

Normally I weigh in first thing in the morning, after going potty, remove everything but my night shirt. no jewlery - it can add pounds ! Belly button lint and toe fuzzys are not going to be safe tomorrow morning !