Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Looking at my own stuffing

Twas the day before Bird day and all through the house...

I remembered to pull my boneless turkey breast out of the freezer last night to start to defrost. Actually, I had hesitated pulling it out before then just incase someone decided at the last minute to make calls and announce that they would be having Thanksgiving dinner. My family tends to be very last minute folks, but this year it seems that there is no gathering . However, people still have to eat. So it is my opportunity to make a healthier Thanksgiving dinner and spend the calories on things we really want, instead of racking them up with mouthfuls of everyone's contribution. Having an option of 10 different desserts( all brought by guests) is a fast trip to a gain.

I am sad about not gathering with my family. One thing besides the loss of family bonds is really bringing me down. Thanksgiving marks a one year anniversary for us. We began losing weight the Saturday after last year's Thanksgiving. All through the year , when the going got tough and the scale would play games with me, I held to the vision of gathering with the family lighter than I was a year ago and soaking up the reactions. It was something that I learned in my last weight loss journey-pick an image of a future gathering and hold onto it through the process and use it as your biggest motivation. When it became a possibility that we would not gather, I suddenly found that I was somewhat losing my resolve. I asked myself what difference it made if I kept plugging away at this process if no one would see the changes I have made, or those made by my whole family. The more I heard myself asking that of myself, the harder and deeper I had to dig to find that core part of me that would serve as a motivation.

One of the things that finally hit was the full realization that no matter what, the bottom line is that I have to do this for me. I have to be in a place where the old habbits and old behaviors no longer serve me. For some people , this can mean choosing a whole new life. It can mean ignoring the people who flipped your triggers, so to speak, and sometimes parting company with them once and for all. It can mean challenging old behavior patterns that are based on ancient history- so ancient that no one remebers how or why they began. So often they are not dependant upon the fault of someone, but simply the way things fell into place. I think I am seeing glimpses of some of mine, and now my job is to just say no. Just step away from the situation.

So rather than mourn what is not going to be, I am going to embrace what is. I will spend the day with my guys (my son being the motivating reason to lose weight the first time) and we will enjoy a nice meal , some fun TV afterwords and perhaps some Wii play. Then Friday we will hit the sales- not so much for the shopping, but to soak up the holiday spirit and walk around. And then start lugging out boxes and putting up the Christmas decorations.


Rosie said...

If you lived closer I'd invite you over to my house for a healthy celebration. Since my grandmother died there is no family gathering... just me, my mother, and my daughter... oh and Penelope The Super Chihuahua! You'll run into those who are normally at the family celebration sometime and they will see the differences!

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

We wind up together a lot of times for ordinary sorts of reasons, and they have seen us. It's just that I got a specific vision in my head and it is not meant to be. Thanks for the invite- if you were closer the door would be open to you and yours here as well ! Wouldn't it be fun to have a Blogging buddies holiday pot luck ? So many creative people out there, and so many variations of the standard fare. it could be a lot of fun !