The holidays are over, and a lot of people with serious illness held on because of family , memories and anticipation. Now that we are in January there is less optimism and a general worsening of symptoms. As a result I have been getting a LOT of distance Reiki requests this week. And then Mother Nature adds a major earthquake to the mix, and it has been a very busy week here for this Reiki Master. Add to this homeschool, household duties and exercise goals, it is making me really love quick , easy meals. Muffins and hardboiled eggs for breakfast( both easy to make in bulk for future use), crockpot meals for some dinners and things that I do not have to "babysit" are popular. Such as spaghetti.
Old days meant white pasta, then it moved to whole wheat pasta, but the volume is not always satisfying. 2 oz of dried pasta per person is a small amount, so you wind up having to add sides to bulk things up. A good idea, but when you are pressed for time not so great. On the weekends I do a lot of prep with those veggies that can keep after being cut up( romaine lettuce, carrots, celery, broccoli and cauliflower) so sides for lunch and salads are easy. In the interest of speed this week ( something told me it would be a factor), I decided to pick up a spaghetti squash to use for one dinner. Spaghetti squash is not like other hard shelled winter squashes. When you cook spaghetti squash it can be shreded into something that looks like vermicelli noodles. Low in calories, high in fiber, low carb- it's a healthy and tasty alternative.
I made spaghetti sauce with sausage last night and decided to make the spaghetti squash- mainly because I would not have to babysit it. During the process , two things came to mind
1. Spaghetti squashes should never grow larger than footballs , or they will not cook evenly. This particular squash, which was almost the size of a newborn, proved to be a problem in cooking. Normally you microwave the squash for 12 minutes, let cool slightly and then process the numminess inside. This squash was now on 30 minutes of microwaving and was still rock hard on one side. I decided to just pull it out, let it sit and allow the steam to do what it would to finish the job. It was so huge, the three of us could not eat the whole thing anyway, so....
2. Healthy food should not injure a cook. I cut the squash open and attempted to scoop out the molten seeds and seed goop. To reward me for my efforts the squash decided to release it's bounty in such a fashion that it was projected directly onto my face. Had I not been wearing my glasses, it could have burned my eye. After the seeds were removed I started scooping out the flesh, and it determined that my kitchen needed decorating. A textured finish on the cabinets, floor and ceiling was the ticket, accomplished with the squash pulp . Yes, this is a healthy food, for after dinner I would get to burn extra calories washing down my kitchen !
It did taste good and I would make this again, but in the future I will never purchase a spaghetti squash larger than a football. And I will consider a pair of safety goggles as part of my kitchen equipment.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Very funny Strega Nona !
It started off with good intentions. I was going to make soup for dinner- take beef bones, onions, carrot , celery and water , toss in a couple bay leaves , apply heat and you get stock. Strain, add new veggies and you get soup. I had beef bones with meat on them ( forget the name of the cut at the moment), celery, a bag of baby carrots that needed to get used, a head of cabbage that had been forgotten and 4 tomatoes that needed using. Half a half cup of barley and somehow it became this:
a six quart crock pot of beef vegetable barley soup that would be for dinner, another dinner, a few lunches and.... thankfully soup made without potatoes or pasta freezes very well. A bowl of this and a corn muffin made with whole wheat flour and stone ground corn meal made for a very tasty, satisfying, economical and fiber loaded meal. However it is proof that I cannot make soup. I turn from a normal cook to Strega Nona's apprentice, who could feed a small neighborhood when she finishes !
Thanks for the comments about my exercise dilemma. It's not something that is impossible, but instead something that requires a little creative thinking. I got in my 30 minutes of rowing ( 3.8 miles, not sure of the calorie burn) , 20 minutes of Pilates, more attempts with the hula hoop and 5 minutes of walking...without any banging from downstairs. I am thinking that if I can perhaps time this to happen when they are out , I can do this until it thaws out enough to let us walk outside. Weather is a big variable , and today we are supposed to get all the way up to the upper 30's, but have a rainy day. Mess out there today, but it's a sure sign that spring will get here soon enough.
Now off to find home in my freezer for that soup....
a six quart crock pot of beef vegetable barley soup that would be for dinner, another dinner, a few lunches and.... thankfully soup made without potatoes or pasta freezes very well. A bowl of this and a corn muffin made with whole wheat flour and stone ground corn meal made for a very tasty, satisfying, economical and fiber loaded meal. However it is proof that I cannot make soup. I turn from a normal cook to Strega Nona's apprentice, who could feed a small neighborhood when she finishes !Thanks for the comments about my exercise dilemma. It's not something that is impossible, but instead something that requires a little creative thinking. I got in my 30 minutes of rowing ( 3.8 miles, not sure of the calorie burn) , 20 minutes of Pilates, more attempts with the hula hoop and 5 minutes of walking...without any banging from downstairs. I am thinking that if I can perhaps time this to happen when they are out , I can do this until it thaws out enough to let us walk outside. Weather is a big variable , and today we are supposed to get all the way up to the upper 30's, but have a rainy day. Mess out there today, but it's a sure sign that spring will get here soon enough.
Now off to find home in my freezer for that soup....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Pizza and predicament
I got very brave yesterday . I made an actual pizza for dinner. Making pizza from scratch ( or any other kind of bread ) is nothing new for this household. I can make them and make them very well. That is the problem- homemade bread products inspire something like a feeding frenzy amongst sharks between the guys. They have been known to devour two extra large pizzas in minutes, without batting an eye.I get slowed down by cutting the pie into slices and trying to keep everyone's plates full. Pizza, in short, is a danger food. However, pizza made at home is affordable, satisfying, can be very nutritious and is a good way to get in some fiber and good fats if made correctly. There should never be a "no " food, if it is a real food - only foods that are made in healthier ways. Here is how I made my crust
Whole wheat pizza crust ( makes a crust for a 9x13 cookie sheet)
1 c baby bottle warm water
1 pkg yeast
1 t splenda( I do not use any other sweeter)
2 t olive oil
2 c whole wheat flour
1/2 t salt
2 T vital gluten
In a mixing bowl place the water, splenda and yeast to dissolve. Wait 5 minutes to make sure the yeast froths ( if it does not it means your yeast is dead- discard and start with fresh yeast). Add oil , salt and enough flour to form a non sticky, elastic dough that feels similar to human skin( no oher way I can describe it, and illustrates how they say bread is life). Knead for 10 minutes ( pressing down , pushing the dough away and then rolling it toward you) on a lightly oiled surface ( better than floured surface, which will make your dough dry). Place in an oiled bowl , cover and set in a warm place till double in bulk. Punch down and roll into pizza shape. Top as desired and bake at 375 for 25 minutes.
1 c baby bottle warm water
1 pkg yeast
1 t splenda( I do not use any other sweeter)
2 t olive oil
2 c whole wheat flour
1/2 t salt
2 T vital gluten
In a mixing bowl place the water, splenda and yeast to dissolve. Wait 5 minutes to make sure the yeast froths ( if it does not it means your yeast is dead- discard and start with fresh yeast). Add oil , salt and enough flour to form a non sticky, elastic dough that feels similar to human skin( no oher way I can describe it, and illustrates how they say bread is life). Knead for 10 minutes ( pressing down , pushing the dough away and then rolling it toward you) on a lightly oiled surface ( better than floured surface, which will make your dough dry). Place in an oiled bowl , cover and set in a warm place till double in bulk. Punch down and roll into pizza shape. Top as desired and bake at 375 for 25 minutes.
I topped ours with turkey sausage, mushrooms and mozzerella. These are very simple goto items in our house. Served with a tossed salad, this makes for an easy, economical meal.
On the exercise front, I am challenging myself to get back to that level of walking 45 minutes in he same fashion as I began the last time. Back then when I began walking it was the dead of winter ( I began my weight loss journey on Feb 7, 1989), but got creative. We lived in the second floor of an old Victorian home that had been converted several times. The result was this cool circular pattern that connected the two bedrooms, living room and dining room, so I used it as my indoor track. I began simply walking that loop for 5 minutes, in 3 days increased it to 7, and every 3 days added 2 minutes more till I was walking for 45 minutes. Then the weather got a lot nicer and we walked outside through the neighborhood. Things are different now- different house, different life commitments and different opportunities. I walked 5 minutes in our apartment ( till the people downstairs started banging on the floor because of the creaking ceiling), So I am challenged how to accomplish this. The management frowns on walking the halls, my neighbors complain because of the noise, no money for a treadmill or gym( and could not get to one for lack of transportation most of the day) and there is still a foot of snow and ice on the ground outside here.This one is presenting a bit of a challenge to say the least. Meanwhile I still get in my 30 minutes of rowing, 20 minutes of Pilates and 5 minutes attempting the hoola hoop. Still can't get the hang of that one !
On the exercise front, I am challenging myself to get back to that level of walking 45 minutes in he same fashion as I began the last time. Back then when I began walking it was the dead of winter ( I began my weight loss journey on Feb 7, 1989), but got creative. We lived in the second floor of an old Victorian home that had been converted several times. The result was this cool circular pattern that connected the two bedrooms, living room and dining room, so I used it as my indoor track. I began simply walking that loop for 5 minutes, in 3 days increased it to 7, and every 3 days added 2 minutes more till I was walking for 45 minutes. Then the weather got a lot nicer and we walked outside through the neighborhood. Things are different now- different house, different life commitments and different opportunities. I walked 5 minutes in our apartment ( till the people downstairs started banging on the floor because of the creaking ceiling), So I am challenged how to accomplish this. The management frowns on walking the halls, my neighbors complain because of the noise, no money for a treadmill or gym( and could not get to one for lack of transportation most of the day) and there is still a foot of snow and ice on the ground outside here.This one is presenting a bit of a challenge to say the least. Meanwhile I still get in my 30 minutes of rowing, 20 minutes of Pilates and 5 minutes attempting the hoola hoop. Still can't get the hang of that one !
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The "write"way
Oooh...my 500th post on this blog ( toss confetti in the air )
I have been writing in some form or another since I was in the 2nd grade. My teacher introduced the concept of poetry to the class with the basic mechanics and told us to go forth and do likewise. I excitedly put pencil to paper and wrote "Pat sat on a bat and that was that." For some reason she thought this was brilliant and showed it to the other teachers. I still have no idea why. About two years later I became a paid writer. I would write "dirty stories" for my fellow classmates and they paid me in candy . If the story mentioned kissing, the price was a pack of bulls-eyes. If it said the character had a honeymoon night, well then the fee was a Baby Ruth ! At 10 yrs old my mind could fathom no dirtier or more erotic words than honeymoon night , and it seems my classmates shared that view. As is the case with most classical, in demand literature, it inspired the reader to think. Sometime after that I began keeping a diary, then a journal and it became a habit that I have kept up most of my life. One day when I am gone, my descendants will get to know me well and either laugh or cringe .
Yesterday I was looking for a tool that I have used in quilting in the past and stumbled upon a gold mine for me .( my filing system is a bit jumbled, to say the least) It was the journal for the time that I had lost 110 pounds and beat infertility. Each body is slightly different , and what works for one body does not work for every body. Finding what works for you body is more valuable than any trainer, motivation, pill or such. So I dropped everything and sat down to read this key to my past . I kept menus, exercise records, feelings, the notes from the therapy I was doing, and some interesting things came to light.
1.Meat was one thing I did not have to weigh or measure. A serving was considered 8 oz but I often ate up to 10 oz with a meal.
2 I had to get two dairy servings per day or my weight loss stalled
3. When things slowed down I ate higher levels of fiber in the form of a big bowl of hot air popped corn at night , added bran flakes to my oatmeal or ate oatbran instead of oatmeal
4. 3 times a week I would have a serving of TCBY in a cup without any toppings ( dairy factor)
5. I ate fish 4 times a week ( can no longer do that because of an allergy)
6. I walked 45 minutes every day and to bust plateaus I added 3 miles on the stationary bike
7. It seemed that the fiber was a bigger factor than the exercise
8 Fat was another important factor , or I would become very constipated.
Granted, I am 20 years older now and in peri-menopause or actual menopause, but it is still my body. I decided to follow the example that worked at that time. Bring on the fiber ! It also echos something that I have been suspecting - my weight has something to do with the way my digestive tract processes food , and it is connected to the endocrine system functions in my body.
This discovery led to a decision to try something I have not made in a long time for dinner- Bean Gravy. Actually turkey and mushrooms in bean gravy over polenta with roast broccoli on the side. To make Bean gravy you need white bean flour, liquid and seasonings. The ratio is basically 1 cup liquid ( water or stock or drippings) to 1 T bean flour. It makes a creamy, dairy free , gluten free high protein sauce. It would have worked well, except I have my flours stored in glass jars, and often forget to label the jars. I have bean flour, tapiocia flour, almond flour and vital gluten stores, all various shades of white. I mistakenly grabbed vital gluten instead of bean flour and the results were......well after seeing them and serving them, it was unanimously decided it was a great night for Subway.
One form of a writing discipline I must cultivate is WRITING LABELS FOR MY JARS STORED !!!!
I have been writing in some form or another since I was in the 2nd grade. My teacher introduced the concept of poetry to the class with the basic mechanics and told us to go forth and do likewise. I excitedly put pencil to paper and wrote "Pat sat on a bat and that was that." For some reason she thought this was brilliant and showed it to the other teachers. I still have no idea why. About two years later I became a paid writer. I would write "dirty stories" for my fellow classmates and they paid me in candy . If the story mentioned kissing, the price was a pack of bulls-eyes. If it said the character had a honeymoon night, well then the fee was a Baby Ruth ! At 10 yrs old my mind could fathom no dirtier or more erotic words than honeymoon night , and it seems my classmates shared that view. As is the case with most classical, in demand literature, it inspired the reader to think. Sometime after that I began keeping a diary, then a journal and it became a habit that I have kept up most of my life. One day when I am gone, my descendants will get to know me well and either laugh or cringe .
Yesterday I was looking for a tool that I have used in quilting in the past and stumbled upon a gold mine for me .( my filing system is a bit jumbled, to say the least) It was the journal for the time that I had lost 110 pounds and beat infertility. Each body is slightly different , and what works for one body does not work for every body. Finding what works for you body is more valuable than any trainer, motivation, pill or such. So I dropped everything and sat down to read this key to my past . I kept menus, exercise records, feelings, the notes from the therapy I was doing, and some interesting things came to light.
1.Meat was one thing I did not have to weigh or measure. A serving was considered 8 oz but I often ate up to 10 oz with a meal.
2 I had to get two dairy servings per day or my weight loss stalled
3. When things slowed down I ate higher levels of fiber in the form of a big bowl of hot air popped corn at night , added bran flakes to my oatmeal or ate oatbran instead of oatmeal
4. 3 times a week I would have a serving of TCBY in a cup without any toppings ( dairy factor)
5. I ate fish 4 times a week ( can no longer do that because of an allergy)
6. I walked 45 minutes every day and to bust plateaus I added 3 miles on the stationary bike
7. It seemed that the fiber was a bigger factor than the exercise
8 Fat was another important factor , or I would become very constipated.
Granted, I am 20 years older now and in peri-menopause or actual menopause, but it is still my body. I decided to follow the example that worked at that time. Bring on the fiber ! It also echos something that I have been suspecting - my weight has something to do with the way my digestive tract processes food , and it is connected to the endocrine system functions in my body.
This discovery led to a decision to try something I have not made in a long time for dinner- Bean Gravy. Actually turkey and mushrooms in bean gravy over polenta with roast broccoli on the side. To make Bean gravy you need white bean flour, liquid and seasonings. The ratio is basically 1 cup liquid ( water or stock or drippings) to 1 T bean flour. It makes a creamy, dairy free , gluten free high protein sauce. It would have worked well, except I have my flours stored in glass jars, and often forget to label the jars. I have bean flour, tapiocia flour, almond flour and vital gluten stores, all various shades of white. I mistakenly grabbed vital gluten instead of bean flour and the results were......well after seeing them and serving them, it was unanimously decided it was a great night for Subway.
One form of a writing discipline I must cultivate is WRITING LABELS FOR MY JARS STORED !!!!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Funny fitness
What is that suspiciously bright thing peeking through my window ...could it be the sun ????? By golly, I believe it is ! We have had so many cold, dreary, snowy days here this winter that I was begining to think Mr Sun went on a long vacation ! Still cold ( 16 degrees here as I write) , more snow predicted, but for the moment, some happy rays peeking through the window.
Yesterday afternoon I went to WalMart to pick up some supplies, and was amused at all the "January products" on the shelves. Lot of storage totes, fitness equipment and weight loss products. One in particular, the Perfect Pushup , had me giggling
From what I gather from the box ,it allows you to do a push up and twist your wrists while you push up. First question is how can this be good for your wrists ? If twisting your wrists is the secret to preforming a perfect push up, wouldn't waving like the Queen do the same thing ? Then I looked at it closely and thought that when you get tired of using it for fitness, it would make a darned nifty hamburger patty maker, so it may have some value after all. Sadly I could not find a Shake fit- that one keeps making me wonder just what you are training for, and what inspired the inventor to create it
Yes, fitness can be funny !
I gathered my desired objects, came home and began to work on a new quilt and enjoyed spending time with my husband. He is incredibly supportive, loving, intelligent, handsome and the only person on earth who understands my lines of thinking and can follow them into the dark and muddy places they can lead to. Not only find me in the muck , but know exactly how to pull me out, help me dust myself off and get me back on the horse again. He is not only my soul mate, but the second half of my soul itself. This coming Sunday we will have lived together for 30 years ( yes we were evil children- we lived together before we got married) , and we have been through a lot together, good and bad. We are of different spiritual paths, but we talk very openly about those things that are different and find the similarity between them. For two people whom are deeply spiritual but of separate traditions, this has served us very well through the years. Things felt better by evening.
I tried something new yesterday evening for after dinner. Duncan Hines has a whole grain triple chocolate chunk brownie mix, and I wanted to see how these would fair as black bean brownies. In case you have not heard of these, you take a prepacked mix of brownies( or the equivilant of your own homemade mix), add a can of pureed black beans and nothing else, then bake according to package directions. You don't taste the beans, they taste chocolatey and have a high level of fiber and no fat. My thinking was with the whole grain this might make something close to colon blow, but worth the risk. They were pretty good, and pretty filling- just chocolate and moist enough to satisfy, but not so sweet that you want more and more. Not something for every day, but makes a nice snack treat now and then.
It has also been decided that muffins with a form of protein would be good for breakfasts this week, so it is drag out the oat bran recipes again. Between the brownies and the muffins, I am remembering how much I really miss baking these days. I loved making breads of all kinds ! Quilting and baking and soap making...oh my !
Yesterday afternoon I went to WalMart to pick up some supplies, and was amused at all the "January products" on the shelves. Lot of storage totes, fitness equipment and weight loss products. One in particular, the Perfect Pushup , had me giggling
From what I gather from the box ,it allows you to do a push up and twist your wrists while you push up. First question is how can this be good for your wrists ? If twisting your wrists is the secret to preforming a perfect push up, wouldn't waving like the Queen do the same thing ? Then I looked at it closely and thought that when you get tired of using it for fitness, it would make a darned nifty hamburger patty maker, so it may have some value after all. Sadly I could not find a Shake fit- that one keeps making me wonder just what you are training for, and what inspired the inventor to create it
Yes, fitness can be funny !I gathered my desired objects, came home and began to work on a new quilt and enjoyed spending time with my husband. He is incredibly supportive, loving, intelligent, handsome and the only person on earth who understands my lines of thinking and can follow them into the dark and muddy places they can lead to. Not only find me in the muck , but know exactly how to pull me out, help me dust myself off and get me back on the horse again. He is not only my soul mate, but the second half of my soul itself. This coming Sunday we will have lived together for 30 years ( yes we were evil children- we lived together before we got married) , and we have been through a lot together, good and bad. We are of different spiritual paths, but we talk very openly about those things that are different and find the similarity between them. For two people whom are deeply spiritual but of separate traditions, this has served us very well through the years. Things felt better by evening.
I tried something new yesterday evening for after dinner. Duncan Hines has a whole grain triple chocolate chunk brownie mix, and I wanted to see how these would fair as black bean brownies. In case you have not heard of these, you take a prepacked mix of brownies( or the equivilant of your own homemade mix), add a can of pureed black beans and nothing else, then bake according to package directions. You don't taste the beans, they taste chocolatey and have a high level of fiber and no fat. My thinking was with the whole grain this might make something close to colon blow, but worth the risk. They were pretty good, and pretty filling- just chocolate and moist enough to satisfy, but not so sweet that you want more and more. Not something for every day, but makes a nice snack treat now and then.
It has also been decided that muffins with a form of protein would be good for breakfasts this week, so it is drag out the oat bran recipes again. Between the brownies and the muffins, I am remembering how much I really miss baking these days. I loved making breads of all kinds ! Quilting and baking and soap making...oh my !
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I am a fluke of the universe, and proud to be so.
Yesterday was not a good day emotionally. Not only did the number on the scale taunt me, but other things were screaming at me as if to say "nya nyanya nya nya". The facial hair is getting heavier once again,leaving me to consider giving up the fight with that and gradually shifting into existance as a bearded lady in the circus. I also observed that the male pattern baldness is increasing to the point that in a week or two I may actually have a crome dome, or what could pass as a bad tonsure. These two features are old friends- some of the other pieces of the PCOS equation. The others that include numerous skin tag growths, skin discoloration and infertility don't seem to be as much of an issue at the moment. However when they all gang up and become good buddies with the insulin resistance ( and resulting inability to lose weight) , they really make one feel special. For the record, in my past I have tired different drug therapies to bring these symptoms into control and for me they do not work. They do not always work for all people. PCOS has no cure and it's cause is not known, yet something like 10 percent of all women deal with it, and the ridicule it often brings.
So I dusted myself off, was in an ugly mood and went grocery shopping. I stuck to my lists, I focused on making nessisary healthy substitutions where required ( I really wondered if I had enough veggies on the list for the week plan, so I added more cabbage, broccoli and romain lettuce just in case) , and my husband was being very sympathetic to my black mood. He is wonderful in that way- my best cheerleader and supporter). We finished the first store and I was begining to feel sort of upbeat. We spent less than expected and I found some good finds. And then the universe decided to send me a message that I am not normal, no matter what I do. One of the employees of the store, a girl who is either Aspergers or some other developmental delay was gathering carts. Normally she cleans the restroom and I have smiled at her and said hello a few times. She recognized us , came up to collect our cart and say hello, and then out of the clear blue she asks me "is that a birth mark or did you get hit in the head ?"
I have a large Port Wine birthmark above my right eye. Through my whole life it has been my distinguishing feature, and there are times I am really reminded of it- usually anytime I attempt to wear make up without serious cover up applied first. When I was younger my parents consulted a plastic surgeon to have it removed, and they were told that because of it's location it was too risky- I could lose sight in my right eye if it was done. As an adult, when they came out with laser technology I investigated and the answer was the same, so I decided it was not worth it. Normally it does not bother me ( instead the reactions kind of amuse me) bt there are those days when it feels like weight loss is not important because even if I was the most normal of normal weight and proportions, I would still have this mark and be thought of as different. This day became one of those. I answered her questions and we drove away, but I was left feeling like I am either some kind of target landing or satellites from space or another type of fluke of the universe. That song from National Lampoon popped in my head and I laughed.
We got home , put away groceries, cut up veggies and I found myself thinking about a line from the movie "Julia and Julie" that goes something like no matter what kind of day I have had I come home and put flour with eggs and butter and it gets thick. What a comfort ! With me I am finding that no matter what happens in the world if I put two unrelated pieces of fabric together , cut and add thread, something new and interesting co mes out of it.I sat down to start to play with fabric in an attempt to work on a baby shower gift, and I created 5 baby boy bibs and the pieces to make an applique baby quilt. Scales , calories, exercise and appearance for me have gotten pulled into some kind of vortex that I am not meant to understand for some reason at the moment for my body, but fabric makes sense. When we went to bed I began considering parting with some important but outgrown facets of my life to make room for fabric arts. Not only would it provide gifts, but I could conribute to various charitable organizations once again. The last thing I did in that area was to make burial gowns for premature babies who did not make it. Sounds like gruesome work, but with my stillbirth and miscarriages it was very cathartic.
The miscarriages could have been attributed to the PCOS- having this makes miscarriage a great likelihood. Not only do you struggle to conccive, but you struggle to keep a pregnancy because of the effects PCOS has on the endocrine system. Nothing in your body operates as normal and the do not know why. Hairy, fat, infertile, blotchy , acne ridden and weird growths. And yet, if you are lucky, the experience can lead you to learn great compassion for others who suffer. It's something like The Fisher King- the wounded healer. In order to get to the deeper levels of healing you must first learn what it is like to be sick. It led me to herbs and nutritional medicine, and from there it led me to Reiki. Cursed to have the ability to heal everyone but yourself. Yet I am begining to belive that it may be leading me to healing through fabric. Sometimes our waking intentions get in the way of the goals of our higher selves, and then it steps in to force us back to the path we are meant to be on. Perhaps that is true here.
So I dusted myself off, was in an ugly mood and went grocery shopping. I stuck to my lists, I focused on making nessisary healthy substitutions where required ( I really wondered if I had enough veggies on the list for the week plan, so I added more cabbage, broccoli and romain lettuce just in case) , and my husband was being very sympathetic to my black mood. He is wonderful in that way- my best cheerleader and supporter). We finished the first store and I was begining to feel sort of upbeat. We spent less than expected and I found some good finds. And then the universe decided to send me a message that I am not normal, no matter what I do. One of the employees of the store, a girl who is either Aspergers or some other developmental delay was gathering carts. Normally she cleans the restroom and I have smiled at her and said hello a few times. She recognized us , came up to collect our cart and say hello, and then out of the clear blue she asks me "is that a birth mark or did you get hit in the head ?"
I have a large Port Wine birthmark above my right eye. Through my whole life it has been my distinguishing feature, and there are times I am really reminded of it- usually anytime I attempt to wear make up without serious cover up applied first. When I was younger my parents consulted a plastic surgeon to have it removed, and they were told that because of it's location it was too risky- I could lose sight in my right eye if it was done. As an adult, when they came out with laser technology I investigated and the answer was the same, so I decided it was not worth it. Normally it does not bother me ( instead the reactions kind of amuse me) bt there are those days when it feels like weight loss is not important because even if I was the most normal of normal weight and proportions, I would still have this mark and be thought of as different. This day became one of those. I answered her questions and we drove away, but I was left feeling like I am either some kind of target landing or satellites from space or another type of fluke of the universe. That song from National Lampoon popped in my head and I laughed.
We got home , put away groceries, cut up veggies and I found myself thinking about a line from the movie "Julia and Julie" that goes something like no matter what kind of day I have had I come home and put flour with eggs and butter and it gets thick. What a comfort ! With me I am finding that no matter what happens in the world if I put two unrelated pieces of fabric together , cut and add thread, something new and interesting co mes out of it.I sat down to start to play with fabric in an attempt to work on a baby shower gift, and I created 5 baby boy bibs and the pieces to make an applique baby quilt. Scales , calories, exercise and appearance for me have gotten pulled into some kind of vortex that I am not meant to understand for some reason at the moment for my body, but fabric makes sense. When we went to bed I began considering parting with some important but outgrown facets of my life to make room for fabric arts. Not only would it provide gifts, but I could conribute to various charitable organizations once again. The last thing I did in that area was to make burial gowns for premature babies who did not make it. Sounds like gruesome work, but with my stillbirth and miscarriages it was very cathartic.
The miscarriages could have been attributed to the PCOS- having this makes miscarriage a great likelihood. Not only do you struggle to conccive, but you struggle to keep a pregnancy because of the effects PCOS has on the endocrine system. Nothing in your body operates as normal and the do not know why. Hairy, fat, infertile, blotchy , acne ridden and weird growths. And yet, if you are lucky, the experience can lead you to learn great compassion for others who suffer. It's something like The Fisher King- the wounded healer. In order to get to the deeper levels of healing you must first learn what it is like to be sick. It led me to herbs and nutritional medicine, and from there it led me to Reiki. Cursed to have the ability to heal everyone but yourself. Yet I am begining to belive that it may be leading me to healing through fabric. Sometimes our waking intentions get in the way of the goals of our higher selves, and then it steps in to force us back to the path we are meant to be on. Perhaps that is true here.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I want to know
I would love to know , definitively, HOW long a body will gain from muscle development before it turns around to weight loss. Really, truly, factually and honestly. I have been exercising, following my food plan ( the same one as the guys but they are not exercising) and they are losing. I have gained for 3 weeks in a row
Me- UP 1.8
Hubby- DOWN 1.0
Son - DOWN 3.5
In short, in 3 weeks of exercise I have GAINED 3.8 pounds. I do not consider this to be progress in the least.
Me- UP 1.8
Hubby- DOWN 1.0
Son - DOWN 3.5
In short, in 3 weeks of exercise I have GAINED 3.8 pounds. I do not consider this to be progress in the least.
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