The rain and gray continues here. Rumor has it a few have begun to gather lumber and supplies of Purina what not chow.... :-) . Yesterday after dinner I announced that I was completely stir crazy and Bob suggested we go for a ride. Anywhere- just to "blow the stink off", and so we did. Objective was to investigate the water hemlock growth to the north of our home, look for teasel and listen to the Sirius radio station offerings in our car ( a temporary free service that we just might pay for).
Radio may not seem like such a big thing in today's world, but it was radio that helped bring our relationship from that of friends into something much more. Back when we first met, WLS in Chicago was playing rock and roll and the only place on TV where you saw music acts was American Bandstand and The Midnight Special . If you wanted to catch rhythm and blues there was Don Cornelius's Soul Train. You bought 45's or LP's on vinyl or the new fangled 8 track tapes or even cassettes. Bob and his friends would make radio shows on cassettes to share with each other. When I met him on a September afternoon in 1976 he was sorting through stacks of albums , looking for material to create a show for a friend. One day a bit later he made me a radio show where he made some comment about Carly Simon and a debate between us was created. Our friendship grew and music was sort of the connecting thread at first. I got the first indication that he might possibly be interested in taking things to the next level one night when we were at a restaurant with others and he sang me a Frank Sinatra tune that was being broadcast on the music system. Fast forward a few years, and we were in our first apartment, days away from our wedding. The news was still talking about the Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana, and this new experiment called MTV was being launched.Seemed like a novel idea, but would it last ? Fast forward even more to today. Riding in our car, listening to the Hollies sing "stop, stop, stop all the dancing, give me time to breathe..." Discussing the announcement that the Blockbuster Video chain was folding, and remembering the excitement of renting our very first video to watch at home , and getting excited over the prospect of perhaps taping a show we were going to miss because of a previous commitment. Remembering all the confusion with setting the time on those units and being reminded to "rewind or be fined". The conversation flowing and including things that you never imagined that you would be discussing so casually with each other back in the days when you first got together.
I mentioned to him that I feel like I am in a rut of late and I am not sure why. Was it perhaps doing this weight loss thing for so long now that I am getting burned out ? He told me that he thought I was putting a lot of effort into it for the three of us and perhaps this was so but it was worth it. He also told me he thought I could not do any more or any better than I am, and shared with me that he suspects that my hormones are coming into play with a lot of this again because of my moods and so on. He is probably right . I will be 52 in a couple of weeks and "Mr Toads semi monthly if it feels like it"visits are probably moving closer to being done and my body is in a world of confusion. We also talked about some potential outings in the near future.
We came back home and he headed out to choir rehearsal and I made a batch of oatmeal bars because we were out of them. Meanwhile Nick got on the computer and played Osu- a sort of computerized version of Dance Dance revolution that you play with your fingers. He started playing to Cherry Pie by Warrent, and I was once gain reminded of those early days of MTV and our struggles to conceive. I remember the disappointment I felt month after month of learning there would be no baby, but more importantly I remember how he has never once said anything but words of encouragement to me , no matter what was happening. Any time I feel low, he is there to pick me up and help me to find my feet again. Weight has never been an issue, and if it was not for the fact that it kept me from conceiving I would never have attempted weight loss in the first place. It worked to bring me to my goal, but now the goal is much different. I want to reach a healthy weight so I have a better chance of living another 50 years with this person who is the second half of my soul , in a different body.