WARNING- The following contains thoughts from an alternative spirituality path and may offend those who do not like hearing about any spirituality beyond Christianity
It's been a kind of blah week foodwise here because of the weather. Yesterday it was finally cool enough to turn off the AC, open the windows and turn the fan on. I love the comfort that an AC gives,but I hate the confined feeling. I made a roast veggie pizza for dinner on a flax meal crust. I had hoped to experiment with my new flours, but everything calls for the addition of tapioca starch and I have not made it to the healthfood store to buy a supply, so it was flax meal again. Not bad, but not anything new.
Yesterday was the Full Moon, and that is a special time in my spiritual path. For a long stretch now I have been slack about the observance of these because of schedule conflicts, focus on school and trying to keep us all on track with weight loss and just plain having my focus scattered. A few weeks ago I was kind of nudged in my daily spiritual practices that I would benefit from resuming the observance of these and I I blocked out time on my calendar. Then I was asked to participate in a community wide "rolling thunder" healing work for a leader in our community who is suffering with end stage colon cancer, and it gave me a definite reason to return. Participation in this was a powerful thing, and the collective energy being generated was palpable.
While doing this, I was reminded that before I am somebody's mom, somebody's wife, sister, daughter, lover , I am first and foremost myself. I have seemed to fall into the trap that many women do once children and husbands enter into our lives- I forget me. It's not a forced state of being, but rather a choice. Motherhood can become a model of the line in Star trek-"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one" - or something like that. I was not asked to put my own things aside, but decided to do this one item at a time in order to help the good of all. Every holy day rolls around and Bob asks me if I need some time to "do my thing" , and I almost always refuse in favor of something that needs or should be done for the good of the us. Last night I was reminded , rather powerfully, that I am also a part of another us , my spiritual community, and in order to be the best I can with that collective I must be the best that I can as an individual. A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link.
I think some of this has bled over into my weight loss journey. It gets tricky when I am doing this for my self as well as being an inspiration to Nick. Nick is a very kinestetic learner- printed words do not reach the part of his brain where learning occurs. Instead he has to learn by doing- touching- manipulating. For weight loss this comes down to do as I do , not as I say, and so mom has to be on program all the time. His program. It's tricky sometimes to keep his thing and my thing straight. I wonder if this might be the reason why the gluten problem has come to light for me at this time. Could it be the very cells in my own body trying to remind me that I am me first and formost and then all the other roles I fulfill ?
It gives me a lot to think about , and remember. Before I can be a good wife , good mom and good daughter, I have to carve out time to be that powerful woman who howls at the moon, is led by the vibrational forces of the very earth itself and is fed by the grasses, trees, rocks and soil that are the hair, bones skin and lungs of The Mother Herself.