It finally happened. Mommy had a conniption fit. It was totally allowed !
I have to admit, it takes a lot to get there, and when they happen , big changes happen . Last time I had one was a few years back. We were shopping, having problems walking, sat down on a park bench and it cracked. The conniption fit came in the form of the entire family being put instantly on a diet to change our life. While 2 yr olds have unproductive ones, mine seem to be very productive. I think my Guardian Angel/Spirit Guide leads me to these in order to save my life.
How did it happen ? The across the board bad weigh in was the icing on a pretty nasty cake. First off is the back to school issue. We homeschool, Nick is in 12th grade, and I am feeling INCREDIBLE pressure to get him to , at long last grasp some of the things that just seem to fly right over his head. Many of these things are challenges that most Autistic children face, but I have been operating and hoping that with a lot of one on one attention through homeschooling he could at least begin to master these. Something about knowing it is the last year is sending me into a panic mode. Wisdom borne from 14 years of homeschooling ( we began in early intervention type preschool), is telling me to relax and he will get it, but it is definitely easier said than done. Next on the agenda has been high heat and humidity, acompanied with the discovery of West Nile Virus mosquitos in a collection site very close to our home. This on top of a record level of swamp mosquitoes. It is so bad right now that if you simply step outside the door you get bit. Insect repellent in all forms simply acts as basting sauce.Third, construction. We are blessed with being the recipient of a lot of federal money for the increase in jobs programs , but someone forgot that people actually have to travel these roads in order to get to other jobs that pay taxes to fund....you get the idea. In order to go anywhere from the grocery store to the library at the moment, it is through construction. Next, the menu planing that winds up having to get changed at the last minute because of ....( fill in the blank). This gets accelerated by the weight loss struggle. Then the final straw was having a heat index of 105 and the elevator out once again ( it's a problem related to the humidity) AND needing to go grocery shopping again , battling the traffic and then carting boxes of produce , which is not seeming to do anything for us, up 3 flights of stairs where I get to wash, chop and try to fit it all in the fridge once again...I snapped. Worst off, this weekend we were supposed to be celebrating our 29th anniversary and not having to live like the cast of Survivor !
I must confess- I LOVE my husband, I love being married, our relationship is absolutly healthy and wonderful, but I HATE celebrating anniversaries. I don't get it at all. Isn't life together supposed to be the celebration ? And anniversary gifts strike me as employee recognition awards, and when you factor in that the relationship between you involves sex, my mind starts asking what is the difference between marriage and prostitution if these gifts are included. I think too much about it, and end result is that I get very stressed about HAVING an anniversary. It takes me more energy to figure out how we should celebrate without me being led to weird dilemmas than anything else, and if it goes wrong I get a little anxious. Okay, a lot anxious. We were going to celebrate by staying home and making dinner together, but now....
So I started having a verbal hissy fit , stating that the simplest solution was to never eat again , and Bob made some suggestions. It was decided we skip grocery shopping for the weekend, spend all weekend eating out to celebrate and go do some fun shopping, just for the heck of it. I snapped out of it , agreed and off we went. We decided to go to Golden Corral because they had the best salad bar choices, as well as a lot of veggie options.
Once there I was still feeling really stressed out, and decided to just let my body tell me what to eat. I was not feeling salad at all. Green veggies were just one of the problems in my life at the moment. I got some Asian green beans, some pot roast with veggies and a strip of Bourbon Street Chicken. I smelled the steak that they were grilling and decided to get some and watermelon. I was starting to feel bratty, and walked up to the desert buffet. I looked, but absolutely nothing was saying eat me. I glanced over at one of the other stations and saw something that made my mouth absolutely water and scream at me like a Siren on the rocks, and I decided to throw all caution to the wind and eat it.
What was this temptress ?? Baked Fish !
I need to explain. I have an allergy to fish and shellfish. Did not have it as a child, and it only manifested after being injected with Ionic XRay dye for a medical procedure. First time it happened I broke out in full body hives, and then nothing. Then another time I had to be injected with the dye and my throat closed. Long time nothing and then one day I broke out in hives after eating crab, and then I ate tuna and my throat began to feel very tight. SoI have been avoiding all fish and shellfish, and anything that cmes in contact with it like nori, kelp and sea vegetables. In doing so, I have kept myelf from m absolute favorite foods and many things that could help my arthritis. This fish, for whatever reason, looked so good and screamed so loud I decided to risk it.
20 minutes- no reaction. All day loing- no sign of reaction. This morning, no reaction. I think it is safe to assume that I can eat fish again ( shellfish is still a no no). This opens up a world of possibility for general eating, as well as weight loss. When I lost my 110 lbs I was eating fish every day for lunch and 3 times a week at dinner. I adore things like salmon, tuna, calimari and cod. Knowing that I can once again eat it is sort of like being given a large chunck of my life back. I am thrilled ! I am hoping that this will be the thing that kicks stuff into gear again.
Tonight I am going to enjoy grilled tuna for the first time in 7 years. I am so looking forward to it ! I think it might be the best way to celebrate our actual anniversary.